The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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