apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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