Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is Oprah even human
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
