But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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