So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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