Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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