we're chasing vodka with high fives
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
