Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need water and some morals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
