remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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