alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
