hotel room ftw
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
