sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
