i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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