Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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