I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
