I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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