My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you will always have a special place in my vag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
