oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
