My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
