remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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