i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The air was thick with penises
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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