If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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