I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
