I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
