i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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