Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
