Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
