you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
