you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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