you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
