i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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