The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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