When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
