Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
