I think my fart just growled at me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
