i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
