I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
