First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
