Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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