I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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