I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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