If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
