I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We had to coat check the pizza.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
