Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
