Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
