i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
