matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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