Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
