Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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