i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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