so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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