We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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