ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
