i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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