I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
