just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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