Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This house was built for laser tag.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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