is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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