Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
