So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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