Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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