I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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