Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
