if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
