We're facebook friends in real life
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he just fucked me for my cheese.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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