I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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