Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
