Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
