Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
