how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
