Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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