I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
