I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Come see our sink grown plant.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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