I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
