All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
